overlook

A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is his glory to overlook an offense. Prov 19:11

daily wisdom is simply amazing. it's God's way of speaking to me everyday, and His words are indeed life! :D it is always so timely, so encouraging, so revelationary. rhema! u know how we've always been taught to be humble, and not proud? but i guess the ONE thing you can take pride in and feel good about is, overlooking an offense. it's definitely not the easiest thing to do. especially when the "offense" was undeserved. but yeah, when you choose to overlook it, you choose to be patient (with God's wisdom and strength), you actually feel pretty good about it :D *ooh, i feel good!* it is my glory! it makes me feel free.. because you're not hanging on to it.. and it's not about forgiving! it really is just overlooking.. as ps kong hee would put it, be a "da ren" (big man) not a "xiao ren" (small man).. of course, the size of the heart matters too. (no, by that, i don't mean hypertrophy or cardiomyopathy :P)

it's thursdaY! this week sure passed really quickly.. i like ;0) the best part was just the fact that monday was a public holiday. u wouldn't even believe what the reason for the public holiday was. haha! horse racing day!! tsk tsk.. not that i'm complaining or anything. because, for the very first time, i had adequate rest. it was a good and refreshing week, it's like a new start. i still fall asleep during lectures and all la, but the point is, mentally i'm refreshed! haha.. renal's quite slack (actually, anything else would be slack in comparison to cardiology), but i really do find myself missing cardiology a lot.. a sign? i've "coincidentally" been through so many cardiology attachments (not that i'm good at it or what, but i still do find it very interesting despite my obvious lack of knowledge).

we had a mock osce today. i've never spoke so quickly in my entire life.. rushed through the whole thing, even missed out finger clubbing! and forgot to take pulse rate and respiratory rate -_-" the basic of all basics. in IMU i confirm FAIL. heh.. but over here, the focus is different i guess? cos prof says, oh, that's alright.. it's not crucial.. o_O u got the dx. and the explanation stands. *breathes a sigh of relief* but it just means, i need more practice practice practice!!!!! 6 mins is just ridiculous. 2 more weeks to end of medical home units. i'm missing it already even before i leave.

the other thing that i have to learn is to not be so emotionally attached to the patients. hm, since i'm supposed to "follow-up" on 2 patients in my ward, i thought, i might as well kill 2 birds with one stone and do my case write-up on one of them too. she is a very interesting case, with many things to write about.. but as i wanted to get more information from her one day, i went in to say hello and all.. noticed she was having trouble breathing! even on 4L of O2.. struggling with her dinner which was made up of not-so-interesting-looking-goo. i asked if she needed any help, and she could hardly reply me. so i went out and told the nurse that she didn't look too well. they just kinda popped their head in, and said everything's alright. and i thought to myself, it would be just too cruel to ask her about when she had hypertension and high cholesterol right now?! so i let her rest.. and went bck.

the nxt day.. i came bck.. and she looked really weak and pale. but the dr still thought she's ok.. until half an hour after our ward rounds, her saturation fell to 84% in 4L of O2!! aiks~ my heart seriously almost stopped. or dropped. or whatever.. rushed to the room.. thank God for calm and confident consultant like dr macdonalds who handled everything so professionally.. what pained me was, seeing the patient in such distress.. just to catch her breath. it was taking so much effort! something that we sooo take for granted. breathing. it was so bad that she wanted to yank off her O2 mask and pleaded us to let her die. a drop of tear almost escaped my eyes just hearing that.. cos it also reminded me of my grandpa's condition when he was in that similar situation..

well, thank God the patient's alright now. stable at least.. another sad thing is, the relatives requested that if she does go into cardiopulmonary arrest, the medical team was not to resuscitate. up till now, i still can't accept, not doing anything, and just see someone die like that. of course, they have the right to, probably even a good reason too! cos she's in such distress.. and even if she lives, she will have poor quality of life, but still!!!!

and it dawned upon me, how fragile life can be.. and that in times like these, u can only turn to one person. God. without even realizing, i just started praying for that patient.. hope she gets well soon.. death is still something, that i can't face.